The emotional struggles during parenthood
Becoming a parent can push us to our highest highs and lowest lows. No matter how much preparation we receive before having a baby, we won’t be able to anticipate what our experience will be like.
There’s so much emphasis placed on preparing for labour, but what about the emotional struggles? As a psychologist, I was surprised by the lack of information regarding what was to come. We are warned about the signs of post-partum depression, but not about how to prevent it, when possible.
Becoming a parent is hard, but especially so in another country, without your family or friends close by. Parenthood is fulfilling, but it can also be very lonely at times. There’s the dichotomy of feeling trapped, missing your independence and freedom, but at the same time finding it hard to delegate or even be away from your baby at times. It’s also common to experience a sense of identity loss – in some cases from not feeling nor looking like yourself, but also from suddenly having a completely new role in your life that can unexpectedly change your priorities, possibly even having you question whether you want to switch careers, for example.
Parenthood faces you with your deepest vulnerabilities, some of which you might not have even known existed. For some, it may involve worrying about not doing things right or not being a good enough parent, making them constantly read up about how to stimulate their child or ensure they are on track. For others, the struggle might be linked to feeling unproductive, constantly leaving tasks unfinished and yet still feeling mentally and physically exhausted. Other times, it revolves around the lack of control over food, sleep, and, of course, tantrums and ‘misbehaviour’. This leads to other common struggles – the judgement from others, either about your child or your parenting style.
In one way or another, it is as if all roads lead to the ‘not good enough’ story, where we compare ourselves, feel that everyone else has it all together, and experience a vast array of emotions, ranging from solitude, frustration, resentment, guilt or self-doubt, amongst others.
This is why it is so important to create a community as the one you will find at Micasso Baby Club. Everyone’s journey will be different – we will have different tools and resources, as well as encounter different hurdles along the way. But, just as the saying goes, “It takes a village to raise a child.” Realising that we are not alone in the struggle and building genuine and authentic relationships along the way can ease the hardship. It’s the two sides of the same coin: parenting might at times be the hardest and most humbling experience, but it may also be the most meaningful one too. Maybe it’s a matter of learning how to navigate the difficult feelings that arise, not letting them take over the experience, and allowing ourselves to feel the depth of parenthood.
Miriam Mower, founding partner of Open Psychology
Open Psychology
Open Psychology is a multilingual therapy centre that offers evidence-based psychological services for a wide range of difficulties and age groups.
The years of experience and specialised training of each of their therapists enable them to offer a quality service, where personalised psychological care and a compassionate approach are their utmost priorities.
Open Psychology was founded by three women who have experienced first-hand what it is like to live abroad and/or grow up between different cultures. After becoming mothers themselves, they also specialised in perinatal psychology, realising just how important it is to be able to support families during such an important chapter in life.
Miriam Mower
Miriam is a clinical psychologist who has been helping English-speaking clients for nearly 10 years. She is a native English speaker since, although she was born and raised in Madrid, both her parents are English, having been brought up between both cultures.
After experiencing first-hand the challenges that arise when becoming a parent, Miriam deepened her studies in perinatal psychotherapy as well as in updated research on parenting. She realised how much emphasis is placed on preparing for birth or dealing with the lack of sleep, whereas the psychological issues that are faced are often completely ignored. This encouraged Miriam to want to help parents during this vulnerable period, where it’s common to experience self-doubt, as well as feelings of anxiety, guilt, fear, and/or loneliness.
